Espresso looks like jaba the hut
“freak”
Today I was called a “freak” after a conversation where I found myself defending transgender people lead to me admitting that I would wear a dress or otherwise feminine clothing if I felt like it.
My feelings aren’t so brittle that someone calling me a freak would ruin my day or something, all it did was make me very disappointed in that person and make me lose the respect I had for them.
But otherwise it just made me think about why I got so mad.
I understand what you mean about wanting to be less masculine. Until about a year or two ago I felt bad every time I saw my tall, chubby self in the mirror. And I remember noticing that my body is asymmetrical in small ways. And I’ve found myself feeling guilty that there are people that wish they were in my position and that I’m wasting the body that I have. But what can you do? More recently I’ve come to terms with this, and I’ve been weighing myself on the bathroom scale and not feeling bad about it. I don’t know what I did to turn myself around like that. Maybe I just got tired of thinking about it all the time. It’s still frustrating to know I’ll never have the kind of body I really want, but I think it’s okay for now. The world is always changing. I’ve heard someone say “masculinity is dead” and I think people are becoming more open to the idea of feminine men.
I think it’s funny that we both decided to grow our hair long around the same time, without even knowing it. I really look up to you, and I don’t mean to copycat you all the time or anything, but I think you have a nice sense of style, both in terms of fashion and just the way you are.
The whole idea of gender is just stupid, and I wish it didn’t exist.
